I just want to start by saying that all of these encounters and statements made by licensed NYC real estate agents are true. Some are silly and harmless while others are rude, discriminatory and go against NYC real estate regulations which I don’t condone. However, they’re all such whoppers, I felt I must share. Feel free to add yours in the comment section!
The Art of Distraction:
My buyers: “Are those water stains on the ceiling?”
Sellers agent’s response: “Aren’t their dogs wonderful?!”
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The Absurdly Humble Agent:
Sellers Agent to my buyers: “So how do you like the apartment? I’d buy it myself but I don’t have two nickels to rub together.”
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The Discriminatory Agent:
Agent in response to my buyers ethnic names on the rental application: “What is your clients’ nationality?”
Me: “I’m not sure. Why?”
Agent: “Do they cook a lot of fish or curry because that will smell up the hallways and upset the neighbors.”
Me: “Are you serious?! I don’t know what they cook and I’m certainly not going to ask them!”
Agent: “Well as long as they don’t look like they’re going to make bombs in the apartment, they should be approved. If she wears a head scarf, tell her to remove it for the board interview”.
Me: Speechless
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The “I just don’t give a shit anymore” Agent:
Me calling a sellers agent who’s now half an hour late to meet my clients and me: “Steven, where are you? My buyers and I have been sitting in the lobby for 30 minutes! We have to leave for another showing. Please let me know what’s going on!”
Steven’s casual response 30 minutes later (1 hour after scheduled appointment): “Hey, I apologize. I was talking with an old friend and totally lost track of the time man. I can walk over and show you now if you want”.
Me: “Jesus. Ok”.
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The Politically Incorrect Agent:
While my clients are discussing apartment in the other room, listing agent comes up behind me and whispers: “The gays love it here. Must be something about the water views.”
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The Overzealous Agent:
Broker: “So in the four months you’ve been with our firm, you’ve only done one rental. I’m just not sure this business is right for you.”
Overzealous Agent: ”I disagree.”
Broker: ”Well how many deals do you plan on doing next month?”
Overzealous Agent: ”31 days in a month x 2 deals a day, 62!”
Broker: ”You’re going to do sixty-two rentals next month??”
Overzealous Agent: “Yes. Definitely.”
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Agent Whose Philosophy is Su Casa es Mi Casa:
Me calling sellers agent: “Hi Evan, my buyers and I are waiting for you in the lobby (of an East Village Condo) to show us apartment 6A. We’re confirmed for noon today remember?”
Evan: “Oh yeah, yeah. Uhh… just a sec (shuffling sounds and muffled voices). Um, yeah, hi, uh, could you like go have lunch or something and come back in about 30-40 minutes?”
Me: “No, we have other appointments. What’s going on?! I confirmed with you last night. My buyers are very eager to see this apartment!”
Evan: “Um, Ok. Just uh give me like 15 minutes. I’m in the apartment doing something and I’ll come down to let you in when I’m done.”
Me: “Ok fine but please hurry”,
20 minutes later…
Evan (looking very nervous and like he hadn’t slept in days): “Uh, hi… uh, sorry about that. I, uh, I have a friend from out of town staying in the apartment. She was supposed to be out by now but she, uh, had a late night last night. She’s, uh, actually still here”.
Me: “Is this your apartment?”
Evan: “Uh, no but the seller doesn’t live here anymore”.
–My buyers and I enter the living room to find a very disheveled young lady, scantily clad and sprawled out on an air mattress.
Me: “Wow. Ok then. I think we’ve seen enough and will be on our way”.
Evan: “Ok great. If you have any questions, just let me know and, uh, keep this on the “DL” ok?”